If nothing changes, Nothing Changes!

You only have to look at your Facebook newsfeed to know that this motherhood gig can often be a confusing and overwhelming time. We see our friends struggling with sleep, feeding, and behavior issues. Not to mention our own firsthand experience.

All of a sudden you have this gorgeous baby, who is solely dependent on you. Their health, and their emotions all rest in your hands and whilst I know we are all up for the challenge, the difference between thriving and simply surviving can often rest on one simple word “Support”.

What support have you got to get you through the challenges that lie ahead? Do you have a supportive partner, supportive family, and friends, do you use the other resources out there? Do you even know what resources there are?

I understand that it is hard if you feel like you have no support from family and friends, I understand, I have been there. We have four children and apart from a few years when my twin sister and I lived near each other most of the time we have done it alone.

Even now as I am out of the preschool years, and my children get older, it doesn’t get easier, it just changes. Navigating diagnoses such as Autism, ADHD, and epilepsy over the years has added to the juggle.

I experienced firsthand how hard it can be when you as a family feel like you are doing it alone. I think back to when I was pregnant with my third child, I had a child at school, and another at kinder, and no one to call to help. I remember rocking up to emergency with severe HG, my 4 and 6-year-old with me, as my husband was away, just hoping the nurses would take pity on me and not make me wait, not for my sake but for my children worried waiting beside me. Wishing that I had reached out to other mums in the area and made friends that I had someone I could call on. I couldn’t wait for my family to arrive as they were over two hours away.

But then I decided to be proactive as “If nothing changes, nothing changes!” 

I joined an online mum’s group, and even now ten years later they are still support. Together we have been each other’s support through loss, sickness, premature babies, and marriage breakups, but not just the hard times we have celebrated milestones, weddings, and birthdays. We have even been able to venture outside of the confines of the computer to go out for dinner and caught up for Christmas. We even had a weekend away on the Gold Coast. It made the 3 am wake-ups so much less lonely when someone else was out there who understands your sleep deprivation.

I then decided that it was time to venture outside the safety of my computer and join MOPS, mothers of pre-schoolers. It ran once a fortnight and was an opportunity for you to sit with other mums for two hours while a group of carers watched your children in a different room. Only If you are comfortable initially my daughter stayed with me. So for two hours every fortnight, I was able to sit and have a cold drink, eat some nice food, and have adult conversation and I didn’t realize how much I needed it. From this group, I made a circle of friends that I could invite out to a movie, or go out to dinner and I have to tell you it is a nice feeling.

I also began to look around to see what support was in my local community, our town had a “Parents place” a drop-in center in the middle of town, that has nappy change facilities, toys, and caring staff that answer any questions you have, I made sure that I went to my MCHN appointments and had a lovely caring nurse who remembers little details that help me feel valued. 

All of a sudden the world wasn’t so big and I wasn’t so lonely in it.

Then after my children were all at school we moved states, and once again I was back at that stage of knowing no one so I had to start again, this time I had to find a new way to reach out, as my children are not preschoolers anymore.

But at least this time I know that it’s me that needs to be proactive. I need to be the one to make it happen.